Sunday, July 20, 2014


Things have continued to change at exponential rates. The past two days I've hiked far up the hills behind my house, I'll estimate 8 miles away. I've never been a hiker, but these hikes feel important, and have been.

After a long hike up, I meditate/do my own interpretive yoga (I have never done actual yoga, I just intuitively move my body and I end up in yoga style positions). As I move my arms and roll my spine, I can feel my body invigorated, enlivened, activated. I have never, ever felt so good.

After my hike today, I decide to draw a picture. This picture felt very special. For some parts, I let my hand vibrate to the frequency of my head (crown/ back of my head) and let that vibe move my hand. The areas this occurred are very, very light but have a profound effect on the image.

I decide to go lay on my hammock and watch the stars. For the first time, the sky takes on a whole new meaning; it almost seems like a sort of map, the perception being the key to deciphering it. I deciphered it, and I felt connected to the center of our galaxy, a black hole. It was communicating to me through a metaphorical moon, which is my conscience, my "true" intuition. My body vibrated and moved in unusual ways. I do not understand what was happening, but I don't need to. After several communications, I was told I now have the ability to see auras and certain forms of energy. I have yet to test this. I was VERY specifically told that I will permanently lose this ability if I lie, at all. Lying has always been a natural problem for me, I tend to give people what they want to hear. That must change permanently starting hours ago.

It said goodbye and they I heard something unusual, something that rang throughout my whole body in the most beautiful way I have ever perceived any sound or feeling. I asked what this sound was, I was told it is my name, which I cannot share with you. I wrote my name symbolically, it is the far right drawing in this image (not MEDIC).

The images on the left were all already there. They are manifestations of my role name, MEDIC. The smaller, penned image on the right in my name, in symbolic form. I will tattoo this over my heart, as intuition has made clear. There are several markings I made that I don't understand, but I felt were important for my "name".

Feel free to communicate with me, my email is
You can check out my music, (Wonderland and Passion are a good start).


Monday, July 14, 2014


I've been inspired to change up my lifestyle drastically the past few months. I felt it was vital for me to stop smoking, only drink to get buzzed (never drunk), and alter my diet and physical exercise. I've decided to post about it because these intuitions are getting much, much more intense and specific. I feel that I must undergo a drastic physical transformation in order for a spiritual transformation to take place in October (or maybe sooner now).

First, posture. About 8 months ago I came to the conclusion (through several means) that I needed to work on posture. The first day I decided to drive to work (an hour drive) with my seat completely reclined back with me sitting up straight. I definitely felt my back muscles begin to undergo the change. For the months after, I was constantly reminding and forcing myself into positions that although uncomfortable, felt right. This process is now complete. I got a clear impression last week I finished adjusting my posture. I feel unbelievably good now, my body is working better than ever before. My most comfortable sitting position happens to be the classic meditation position (I never meditated in this position until last week when I suddenly felt my posture issue was resolved). I'll take pictures and post them.

Second, hair. 6 months ago I felt I needed to grow my hair out. I have never had hair longer than maybe 3 inches. I have had very little support and have actually been mistreated because of my radical decision to grow it out. Male long hair is a foreign idea in my culture. After about 4-5 months I began experimenting with different ponytail/hair wrap styles. I've noticed DRASTIC effects on my ability to circulate and channel energy, especially to my crown. When my hair is up (the higher the bun the better) I can instantly feel chills crawly up my back and my head, all coming to the point of my crown. I feel lighter, smarter, clearer, more energized, and more INTUITIVE. After coming up with these conclusions on my own and through my intuition, I then came across articles and evidence that support my observations. This article talks about the intuitive possibilites of longer hair. Many religions place emphasis on the region of hair at the crown, such as sikha hair and the jewish yamaka. There are lots of examples but you can do your own research in interested.

And in no particular order...
Meditation. I am constantly inspired to meditate and in different ways. I do not look up meditation techniques, I intuitively guide my mind and body and after a wild experience, I search the internet for similar experiences to make sure I'm not insane. I could still be insane, I suppose, but there is an astounding amount of VERY similar experiences to mine all over the web, if you look hard enough. It's mind blowing how these experiences are found everywhere and everyone has a different perspective of it, providing further evidence that we're not all just copying each other for attention. For those of you that like to pit science against religion, you're retarded. Science is slowly proving spirituality. Science does not make sense without spirituality. Science is always right, religion is an epic game of 3 lies and a truth. But that truth is the answer. That truth is intuition, religion is internal, spirituality is the structure of science.

Working out. This is what inspired me to post this blog post, my increase in drive to work out. I do many, many ab, arm, and leg workouts a day. I also stretch my arms and back constantly. Every time I do an energy exchange, especially and intense one (this process is mentioned in the last post), My upper back, shoulder, neck, and eye muscles are SORE. About the eyes, my actual eyes will hurt, I don't think it's a muscle I feel. The work outs are intense. I continually ask myself how many more to do, how intense, how long, how many reps, etc and I'm driven to push my limits every day. It sucks, but the results are extraordinary. While doing these workouts I feel my stomach churning, my heart and lungs transforming, and my mental abilities increasing each day.

Nightly sprints. This is a weird one. I decided to start running about two weeks ago. Starting 3 days ago, I suddenly decided to run at night instead. Rather than the 3 mile runs I wanted to do, I felt I needed to do very short, uphill sprints around my neighborhood. This SUCKS. As I start running I hear my thoughts tell me to go faster and faster until it looks like I'm running for my life, I am then told to sustain it and keep going. I may then feel that it's okay to stop or slow down, only to be told to spring again after maybe 8 seconds. By the end of my 5 minute run, I am on the verge of passing out and I can't bring my breathing back to normal for at least 30 minutes. It is intense and so, so awful. I get the impression that it's harder because I was smoking occasional cigarettes up until last week, despite my conscience clearly telling me I should immediately stop. I get a cramp pretty fast during these sprints (each night in a different spot in my stomach), it seems that this is one of the main reasons for my sprints - to help my stomach transform. I can also feel it has a great effect on my chest, lungs, throat, ability to expel and use energy, and of course leg muscles.

Education. I get the strong impression that I am being put through an academic course on life, the spirit, and my self by my conscience and any other entity that might be influencing me. When I listen to the unusual, often unexpected promptings in my mind, I am directed to find websites, people, and experiences that answer and soothe the many, many concerns I have about the crazy things I'm going through. I always doubted the things I now experience constantly, but the things that occur as a result of going with it are mind blowing and make more sense than anything I learned in college, church, and in my medical courses. I have questions and concerns, and these are resolved as I listen and am obedient to the profound promptings I feel/hear. For example, I stumbled across these websites this week that happen to explain many of the changes I'm going through. This first one is supposedly written by some form of spirit entity, what it says is profound and penetrated my body, I feel it's message in a way I have never felt anything before. The second was very comforting to find, for it describes the physical effect of the energy changes I began to experience 2 months ago. Read my post Kundalini for some of my experience with that change.
These are 2 of hundreds of mind-expanding articles I've stumbled across the past few weeks. I feel I should share these. If you want more, let your intuition guide you.

Hopefully I'll get pictures on here soon of my posture changes and hair so you can see what I'm talking about. As always, email me with any questions. I seek truth, I am open to any evidence or explanations that contradict my observations.


Saturday, July 12, 2014


So I've been going through some changes lately. I don't want to go too deep into detail, but if you ask for more info I can give you as much as you desire, right down to exactly how these discoveries came about, how things feel and move, etc.

So my active brain keeps presenting me these thoughts that just seem right. I think really fast, running thoughts through my subconscious, and it seems like I have this new sense of what is right, or best, that makes certain ideas glow and become consciously dominant and persistant. I'll list off some of these ideas.

  • I, my consciousness, is a sort of machine being influenced by my true spiritual self, who is me yet I am not directly aware of.
  • This spiritual me is trying to guide my body through a transformative process so that I can become it's vessel, uniting with my true spiritual consciousness. 
  • In early October this process will be complete. 
  • There is something very, very special about the role of your eyes when channeling energy (Kundalini). Emotional energy is released through crown yet it is repolarized (or something crazy) through eyes. 
  • Depression is the state of not being in tune with self. 
  • Long hair, and especially a ponytail or bun at the back of crown (all hair pulled up at crown) helps energy release / intake. I was inspired to grow mine out months ago and when I feel inspired to put it up, I can feel chills immediately pooling to my crown and helping my meditative techniques.
  • Manipulating music and sound is very similar to manipulating your energy, they are beginning to feel the same (I produce music,
  • By pressing my wrists together and imagining an empty space between my hands and chest, I can pull in energy from my surrounding and people, causing immediate and dramatic effects on an unknowing person. 
  • I can do this remotely by imagining the person
  • I can pull in someones emotional trauma energy and replace it with white clarity. I then dispel it myself by circulating it through my body and eventually through my eyes and out my crown. It is very difficult, stressful, takes an hour of intense work followed by days of releasing fragments, and it causes my back, spine, shoulder, and eyes to be extremely sore for days. The person healed feels an undeniable difference and the exchange.
  • There is my mental, rational, critical thinking intuition (masculine) and then there is my physical, energetic, emotional, muscle memory intuition (feminine) that sometimes disagree but when I primarily perceive the feminine energy then dissect it with critical thinking, true intuition occurs. 
  • This true intuition very specifically guides me to perfect my body physically, develop skills I feel will help me change the world and help many people, and instructs me on how to do alomost everything I do. When I listen, EVERY single goal I have ever had is being realized, I am happier than I thought possible, I feel clear, invincible, and energized, and it seems as if I am recieving an advanced educational course on life as I am intuitively guided to research things that answer all deep questions I have. 
My experiences are profound and I can describe each and every one of these points in much greater detail, down to how I developed the abilities and knowledge. I am a man of science, logic, and I don't like to be wrong. My experiences are undeniable, the things I see and feel and the way they fit together blows my mind. It may sound insane, but what if it's not? If you're skeptical, let me provide you more information. I would LOVE for you to show me I'm wrong, for I love truth. 


Friday, June 27, 2014


I hit a low point 4 years ago; I had severe anxiety and depression, insomnia for 2 months, and a complicated mess of emotional and social issues. That's when I began my quest for happiness. I tried everything, and I found that the key to happiness, for me, is following my intuition. If I do whatever it is I feel I "should" do, things work out.

The past couple months I've been trying to break down that intuition, I want to understand exactly how it works and how to listen to my thoughts. I've come to realize that intuition is confusing, my thoughts are manipulated by my own body, my desires, the personality and will of others, and if there is such a thing; spirits. I get odd impressions to do things that no part of me should know to do, things I don't want to do, and it works out better than any idea I came up with. Those impressions have occurred enough times and caused so many incredible changes in my life that I believe I am influenced by some sort of spirit.

The past few weeks, I've been trying to understand this "spirit" that guides me to do things I can not know will help achieve my goals. I do not know if it's God, the "holy ghost" (as I was raised to call it), or just some part of my unconscious. The nice thing about the spirit is it guides me in a way that answers my questions, so it's been guiding me to answer this one; what it is.

I felt inspired to take a class on emotional release therapy, a type of alternative therapy that uses "muscle testing" to guide the therapy. Muscle testing is a technique that allows the therapist to supposedly get truthful answers to questions based on energy flow through your muscles. I won't describe it more here but I suggest you look it up. I learned the technique and spent the weekend asking tons of questions trying to understand what it is and to see if it actually works. It seemed to work, I was getting miraculous answers that seemed to prove there is truth to it. However, it ALWAYS said YES when I asked if I should drink coffee, spend money, eat out, sleep in, and other things I don't think I should do. I stopped following it's direction because these are things I don't feel I should be doing, things I am upset with myself for doing.

I stopped muscle testing because the answers I was getting were ridiculous. I pondered the intuition I trust, the silent, timeless feeling in my mind about muscle testing and it told me that I should NOT listen to muscle testing.

Anyways, I want to share my conclusions on how to listen to intuition. Thoughts are deceitful, and manifest from your bodily needs and possibly from bad spirits (so some form of that, not sure on the religious stuff yet).
To recieve intuition you must....
1. Silence your mind. Slow your breathing. Remove your bias, be ready to accept ANY answer.
2. Ask
3. Pay attention to the feeling you get as you ask, my answer is typically INSTANTANEOUS, I feel the positive or negative feeling right as I start asking. The answer is timeless, if it takes 2 seconds its not true intuition. I hear the whole answer at the same time, like looking at a picture. It's usually high pitched and quiet, as if I don't hear it at all.
4. If you don't get an answer or it's unclear, don't worry about it. Chances are you're either not ready to hear it, your question doesn't make sense with true reality, or you're better off figuring it out on your own (which your intuition will likely guide you to discover).
Note: When you ask you'll get all sorts of self-talk in response. I find that the key or notes each voice hits reflects a particular source or perspective, and the different pitched voices often disagree. Ignore these if you are looking for intuitive answers. These "voices" are probably bodily needs or mental perspectives manifesting as a voice.

Eventually you may get so used to listening to true intuition that it's will becomes yours, and your mental world will unify with it. To achieve this practice shutting out all the other thoughts and "voices" you hear. Learn to monitor your own body and be in control of your health so your body doesn't need to yell at you to eat or sleep. I think this unification with intuition is what some religions refer to as "enlightenment", a perspective of unity with God. There is much, much more to it but intuition will help you fill in the rest of the blanks.

Hopefully I'll have a chance to get more of my mind out of my head, I think my discoveries could help a lot of people. Until then, please email me with any questions or comments. My discoveries are my own and I am willing to describe complex subjects in ways no one else has.

I love you all!


Monday, June 9, 2014


The past few months I've been learning to control "intensities" moving throughout my body. These "forms" are commonly referred to as "energy", the kind talked about in eastern philosophy. I focus my attention on a part of my body and I can sense the vitality of my focus point, I feel it and become aware of how it wants to flow. I can also focus no where at all, relaxing my mind and body, which allows me to sense the intensities around my body. By slowly shifting my focus along my body, I can channel the vitality. It helps when I move with the energy flow, I do this by mindlessly adjusting to points of instant comfort, moving and stretching my body with the energy. I don't necessarily try to direct the energy, I attempt to help it flow the way it wants to. The movements resemble yoga and tai chi (I have not learned either).

The experience begins with me noticing a point of discomfort somewhere in my body, like in my stomach. I close my eyes and meditate on the feeling, becoming more aware of the focus point. By focusing intensely (sometimes stimulating by movement or pushing on area), my attention seems to give life to the point of focus, causing the point to undergo physical change. For example, my stomach will digest and settle itself, leading to symptoms like burping and eventually a relief of the initial discomfort. These points feel like clogged energies that require maintenance, which is usually as simple as giving that area energy to fix itself through the power of focus and attention.

Once the point of discomfort is resolved, I often continue to channel the energy through my entire body; down to my toes and eventually rolling up my spine into the crown of my head or my eyes, where I seem to lose it. I am in the habit of channeling this energy throughout my body often, it's interesting to note that the energy will linger in expected places, often in parts of my body I don't regularly use like the sides of my feet, certain back muscles, and my left arms (non-dominant) range of motion. I think my posture, ambidexterity, and general equilibrium have improved since beginning these exercises. Which makes sense, since I am simply allowing my body to do it's natural maintenance work I have learned to suppress.

I'll upload a video sometime of me doing it. I did it in front of the mirror the other day, it looks intense.

My current goals in regards to this "energy" and power of attention are to understand why the end point of my meditations are often the crown of my head and eyes, where the built up energy will cause me to shake and undergo an intense experience. These experiences end with the feeling that I somehow expelled the energy. Especially through my eyes, when I allow it to channel into my eyes they seem to soak all the energy in, eventually reaching maximum capacity where my eyes will suddenly beam a heavy flow of "energy" out. My eyes will be squinting and shaking, and it feels like something is actually being released like when I cry heavily. Sometimes tears are shed. These tears seem dirty, like I'm undergoing a cleansing. I typically feel exhausted after, especially in my eyes, and things won't look quite right and I won't FEEL as confident/able/intelligent as normal. That Feeling of confidence is directly related to the energy levels of my eyes, how full they are.

As for the crown end point, energy will flow up there and I'll sometimes shake intensely, but I don't know where it goes after that. I can't tell if it's leaving my head or dissipating into my brain or hair.

I've been searching for answers and the most relevant subject I found is called Kundalini Awakening, which describes a type of indwelling spiritual energy that can be "awakened", leading to an eventual state of bliss for "seekers of truth". Supposedly, being able to channel this energy to the crown of your head can lead to a divine transformation and empowering abilities (

This energy seems very similar to the intensities I experience, except mine don't feel like an independent, objectified "energy" but rather a current of activation, a flowing vitality that is turned on by my attention, awareness, or focus. Like sound, it seems like a movement and traveling disturbance, where electrons are hitting each other causing ripples rather than actually moving. I don't understand it yet, but I am learning to control it and I expect to be enlightened through personal revelation when the time is right.

Anyways, it's really interesting stuff. People say this kind of thing doesn't exist, but I know there is truth to it. I'll record it when I get the chance so you guys can watch as I move my body, you'll be able to tell I'm not faking. Feel free to comment on this or ask me questions! I believe this is a science that is soon to be understood and used universally. I also believe that most of you can have the same experiences I have, and I'd be happy to coach you on how to go about achieving these states.

-- MEDIC --

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Pillow Book

This blog is for me. By writing out my thoughts I understand them better. My goal is truth, feel free to debate anything I post as it will help strip my intuitions.

I'm sure people will find some of my writing interesting, as many of my acquaintances have urged me to make my thoughts public. I hope you learn from my successes and failures, and are inspired by my methods and diligence.

So about me... I aspire to make known the science of spirituality, and improve the minds and lives of everyone. My approach involves music composition, multi-disciplinary studies (neuroscience, art, etc), and experimentation with meditation and life. Music not only helps me understand the psyche, I use it to influence and teach others. I want to especially help high-potential teens, the kids that are held back but not handicapped enough for outside help. Many of these teens are guided by music, which can be my in. I also wish to build up social rapport through other media outlets; like blogs, memes, forums, comments, merchandise, art, etc. By the time I reach a point of understanding the things I've set out to research, I'll have established modern means of communicating it.

I'm different. I've experienced many different states of being; emotionally, socially, spiritually, mentally, and physically. My varied experience has driven me to understand aspects of change and being that most people take for granted. I believe my experience and research is leading me to cure psychological disorders like depression, anxiety, autism, and insanity.

My secret is personal revelation. I am guided by a sense of right and wrong that I can communicate with. People call it the spirit, holy ghost, conscience, etc. I do not know if this intelligence is a part of myself or some spiritual element. I am guided to do things that I do not understand, things that I can not know are in my best interest. When I am in sync with this intelligence, all of my stressors are promptly resolved and I progress on my goals. I've learned that I must sync with this part of myself in order to reach my most self-actualized state. The experiences that lead to this knowledge are very interesting, I will work towards sharing the journey.

Check out my music here...
My music/sound blog here...
and my art blog here...

I'm working on a site that will put all my projects in one place. A lot of good stuff in the works!

-- MEDIC --
Alchemist, guided wanderer, explorer of self.
Medic, Son of The Magician.